i fell into the trap.
made a deal with the devil.
now i'm just waiting for the time to come.
when the devil will come collect my soul.

lack of energy?

i want to run away.

i almost fell into temptation.
i can't do this anymore.

27 dresses with Sheryl. The movie was so cute and sweet. But the trailer before the movie was the one that made me cry instead.
P.S I Love You. i think it will be one show i watch with no make up. a whole bag of tissues and watch it with someone who doesn't mind me crying my eyeballs out.

somehow i think this is going to be a wordy one.
i guess once in a while should be fine.

i know i'm heading for a breakdown soon. everything's changing so bad that i can't seem to catch hold of anything. everything seems to surreal right now, like it isn't right to leave. like there's something holding me back. i know whats holding me back. everything. but then again, everything is making me leave as well.
somehow being stuck in the middle makes it all worse.
i dont want to stay because i know its not going to get my anywhere. i want to excel. especially in something i really like. but after trying for more than a year, i'm still stuck here. no difference. so maybe leaving is the best thing to do now.
crying last night didn't help much either.
i just know that i have to do this. even though it hurts like crap. like a really huge part of my life has been ripped out of me. i guess i'll just have to accept it. you can't always have what you want.

on a more depressing note. my emotional status is going to the grave. i'm putting so much. its like as if i open up to you just so that you can rip my heart out. i'm trying so hard. but i dont receive the same from you. i'm not a telepathic. i can't tell what you're feeling right now. give me time. because i can't read you like an open book like how you read me.

the tension everywhere is going to kill us all. superficiality. thats what it is from the start.

my heart goes out to you really. what you keep inside that head of yours. all the deceptions. i mock you. i critically mock you. because you entwine yourself with so much of lies that you dont know whats going on around you. two words. screw you.

i think that supper last night made my whole week so far. getting a huge surprise from Mummy Jo. appearing at the outlet just i was about to blow up. then Ian just had to piss me off after my mood has gotten much better. the dilemma that was brought up seem to damper everyone's mood yet again. but stupidity on the was to getting our money and boy will always be boys.
that talk was much needed. and that hug. that hug made me want to break down in your arms.

i'm having the urge of throwing things all over the place. i hate being myself right now.

i'm giving up on you. when you're such an ass. i dont know what to do anymore. and besides. two more days. and you'll be gone. and most probably forget about everything.

you'll just have to learn how to smile when you kill.

so its finally getting through to you what all this is about.
but it just had to take you so long to realise it.

my favourite thing about all this is that you all seem to think that its abouy you.
amusing isn't it?
sometimes its meant to be obvious, sometimes its not.
so next time, its good you ask before you make stupid conclusions and make a fool out of your self.

on another note, i think sheryl koh should really study instead of reading what i'm typing here.
MY POINT EXACTLY SHERYL!
i dont want to get lost in SP ever again.
because the place is so HUGE.

hopefully i'll get to watch 27 dresses later.\
in dresses!
haha, get it?

dont give me this kind of shit when you're the one to blame right here.
you took those things for granted.
and now you pay the price.

what happened to once bitten twice shy?
you never learn the mistake and now you pay for it.

your own fault to begin with.
so dont shout at me of shit like that.
i dont want nor do i need this from you.


why dont you want to talk to me?

collection of o level results are today.
and i really hope all goes well for those who are taking it.

i'm still feeling groggy.
maybe its because its the lack of blood.

heath ledger is dead.
well, i'm going to watch his movies over and over again.
because he's one person worth remembering at his best.
thats why i'm going to watch batman too.

i donated blood for the first time in my life!
along with a few of my classmates.

i'm doing online shopping until my eyes feels like popping out.

so this was my new years resolution for 07.

• treasure everything that i have around me. FAMILY, FRIENDS and MY FAITH.
• give my best in everything that i do.
• go to school everyday.
• get my totally awesome GPA.
• stop wearing panties and start wearing boxers. (cause they are comfy)
• try not to get drunk when i turn 18.
• not to forget what i want to say halfway through my list.
• HOLD ON TIGHTER TO MY FAITH.
• save money.
• which means not spending so much.
• maybe its time to have a journey of self discovery.
• go to phillippines?
• to know what love is again.
• not to abandon my dance and my stories again.
• and i know i'll be famous! and marry orlando bloom!give as many hugs to the people i love as possible.
• not to let myself down and not to short change myself. i guess thats the most important thing.
• and to constantly remind myself that i will never be alone through the journey of infinate darkness.

i know my faith is halfway on. so lets just forget about that eh.
have i treasured whats around me? i guess so.
i'm really trying to go to school everyday. i still am but i'm better now.
GPA needs me to go to school everyday la.
i'm still wearing panties.
i almost got drunk when i was 18. ALMOST.
i'm trying not to spend too.
self discovery my ass. i discovered alot more than that.
i went to Malaysia, is that counted?
i found love.
i'm still dancing and still writing. i'm happy with this one.
the last three? it just died. i'll never be famous.

i dont know why i'm doing all this shit.
i need something to remind myself on how far i've gone.

internet at Starbucks is really pissing me off.

whatever did i do to deserve this?
when you dont know the story behind the treachery.

because i rather be a sinner than a false saint.
thats what you are.

skipped school today simply because i dont feel like it.
i know i'm letting my studies go down the drain.
but what does it matter?
i'm starting to think that RP isn't suited for me.
but i'll just hang in there for one more year.

is all the waiting and the longing worth it?
when its been so long.
and all i wanted is just that little bit from you.
i dont know what kind of game are you playing at.
its just not right.
when i leave myself open and somehow you dont seem to care.

just finished another song.
soon, i'll have a full album, that is, if i got the compositions in as well.
the lack of guitar is being a bitch.

just seems that everything is being bitchy to me now.

and i'm still here waiting or Miss Koh and she's taking her own sweet time.
and i think my latest addiction is the black tea latte with caramel.
i've been having it three days in a row.
thats so not healthy.

i just realised that this post is mostly full of crap.

i know everyone is trying to make me listen.
but this silence is deafening.

i'm at Starbucks with Miss Koh.
She helped to advertise FGTG!

Having black tea latte and some mushroom thing.
She really needs to study now!

Saturday!
27 Dresses!

weekends are meant to catch up with long lost friends.
but warning, heavy images ahead.

SATURDAY.

dinner a sakae sushi with Jared, Amanda & Audrey.











we spent over a hundred dollars there.
i feel so fat now.
although it was two days ago.
it just reminds me how much i miss them.

SUNDAY.

OUTING WITH MISS SHERYL KOH!







my fave pic!


we tried the black tea frappe with caramel!
YUMMY!


this is called chocolate addiction from Bakerzinn.
and we really got addicted.
even though we were super full, we continued eating cause we couldn't stop!






weekends were so good.
i want to watch 27 dresses with sher too!
and club with her.
12 has gone past so fast!
i miss her plenty loads.
and princess sher!
you have the nicest hair of all!


well that was harsh even though you have no idea about anything whatsoever.
define friends.
which i think you can't.
i dont know why i bother.
because you have no impact in my life.
even though you have impact on some other people's lives.

i had eggs this morning and i feel like i can still taste them on my lips.

i can still feel your hands in mine. even though the moment was so brief.

i finally realised how evil it is to skip school.

i dont know how to make my next move.

sudden confessions are making my head hurt like hell.
and the fact that i dont know what i want just makes it worse.

FGTG has been updated due to the fact that Imah and i skipped third meeting.
seeing him in the train just makes my day.

just dont feel like blogging lately.


so lets just wait to see if you're going let me know about saturday.
i did my part.

i'm not going to go shopping on saturday.
i forgot my zoo trip.

OH FUCK.

i thought i could.
and then you got my heart broken.
you took me for a ride.
and you lied to me.
my feelings were there for you and you took it for granted.
screw you.

for all the years that i know you baby.
i can't figure out the reason why lately
you've been acting so cold.
didn't you say if there's a problem we should work it out.
so why you giving me the cold shoulder now.
like you dont want to talk to me.
okay i know i was late again.
i made you mad and the dinners thrown in the bin.
but why you making this thing drag on so long.
i'm sick and tired of this silly game.
dont think that i'm the only one here to blame.
its not me who's been going round slamming doors.

thats when you turned and said to me.
i dont care babe who's right or wrong.
i just dont love you no more.

rain outside my window pouring down.
what now, you're gone, my fault, i'm sorry.
feeling like a fool cuase i let you down.
now its too late to turn it around.
i'm sorry for the tears that i made you cry.
i guess this time it really is goodbye.
you made it clear when you said.
i just dont love you no more.

i know that i've made a few mistakes.
but never thought things would turn out this way.
doesnt make sense to me now that you're gone.
i see it all so clearly.
me at the door with you in a state.
giving my reasons but as you look away.
i can see a a tear roll down your face.

those simple words hit so hard.
they turn my whole world upside down.
boy you cause me completely of guard.
on the night you said to me.
i just dont love you no more.


wearing a dress full of polka dots just made everything worse.

get load of me, get a load of you.
walking down the street, and i hardly know you.
its just like we were meant to be.

holding hands with you when we're out at night.
got a girlfriend, you say it isnt right.
and i've got someone waiting too.

what if this is the beginning?
we're already wet, so lets go swimming.

why can't i breathe whenever i think about you?
why can't i speak whenever i talk about you?
its inevitable, its a fact that we're gonna get down to it.
so tell me.
why can't i breathe whenever i talk about you?

isnt this the best part or breaking up?
finding someone else you can't get enough of,
someone who wants to be with you too.

its an itch we know we are gonna scratch.
gonna take a while for this to hatch.
but wouldnt it be beautiful?

here we go, we're at the beginning.
we have fucked yet but my head's spinning.

high enough for you to make me wonder.
where its going.
high enough for you to pull me under.
somethings growing.
outta this that we can't control.
baby i'm dying.

so why can't i breathe whenever i think about you.
why can't i speak whenever i talk about you?


why ask?
when you already know?

its is getting way too much.
i personally wont bother with it my my friend wasn't hurt by it.
but please.
its all so superficial that even the blind can see what going on.
friendship isnt a game.
if you dont like it.
then too bad.
because its his/her choice.
and you as a friend.
just have to accept it.

i've chosen not to think about it.
think about either one of them.
i'm happy where i am.

next post is done.
waiting for imah to update.
thanks for the support people!

going to haruna's and nesha's blog.
and all i hear is ben.
he's the sex eh?
the icing eh?
i bet he is.

i dont know why i'm waiting for something ho happen.
you dont know why.
you most probably dont in the first place.
dont take me for a ride.
because i'll see through it and i'll get off.
i'm done being hurt.
and maybe i'll regret you.


he asked.
will you miss me?

you know i will.

it seems that fromgirlstoguys are enjoying success.
that i like.
i think that things will only go better.
Imah has high hopes for it.
our editor eh?

Qabeer was being all romantic and gave a shoutout to Imah.
i wish i had that.
but i guess that would never happen.
it happened three years ago.
and its never going to come back.

that question you asked.
totally threw me off course.
i dont know how to react.
or what to say.
in the end.
i have to ask the least likely of all people for help.
CS. yes please, dont laugh.
i really needed the help.

girls, video will be uploaded on monday.
thank god for blogger who supports 3gp formats.
then the next issue will be out.

in case you dont know what all the hype is all about.
check this out.
http://fromgirlstoguys.blogspot.com.
or click THIS if you're lazy.
for girls, there is eye candy.
for guys, A WHOLE LOT MORE FOR YOU TO LEARN.

what is the point of the relationship when you're not willing to make a little sacrifice?
or is it just cause of the status quo that you're highly unhappy of?
would you rather i give you an answer that you want but i can't commit?
is that it?
is that what you really want?
i never know what you really want.
because you never tell me anything.
but you keep insisting that i tell you stuff.
i dont know.
i'm just really upset right now.

mummy is being horrible as well.
forcing me to quit my job.
it just makes me really sad.
because i've been there so long.
i'm so attached.
and she's making me seem irresponsible.
when a new manager coming in.
and new people coming in to work.
and i'm not there to help.
but thats not it.
she keeps saying that my pay is my allowance and stuff.
and now she expects me to quit before i find another job.
where's the money coming from?
heaven?
guess what?
i'm not like you.
i'm not like you who leave a job just because you dont like the boss.
just because things get a little tough for you.
and not care about your responsibilities.
i can't be you.


today was a good day until that happens.
saw all the eye candies that i love to see.
there's only the special two for me.
for my eyes to feast on.

you got me crying.

i realised.
that i dont love you anymore.

not 1808.
or rather.
its 1210.
he left me empty and broken.
and i dont want him back again.

1808.
i'll wait until then.

i like where i am.

but its not nice to keep someone hanging just like that.
but does everything have to be official?

i just want to keep to myself for a moment.

and i suddenly miss you.
and i dont know why.
because its not right.

so much of tension.

jealousy perhaps?

his famous words.
"what do you want? girl with the black bra."

sorry for all this in the morning.
but i just had to let it all out.

i dont know why i keep hanging out with her.
when all these years, i was only second best.
she was better looking.
more popular.
had more boyfriends.
she was the social butterfly.
and at the end.
it jsut seems that i was just a shadow.
following her around.
and maybe now, finally.
i'm done with that.

interesting convo with mirrorboy.
about you know what.
not who eh.
its whats happening.

i saw lizzy after so many many moons.
she looks better now.

i want to perm my hair.
or do something different.
can i?
suggestions?

its from girls to guys.
and i tell you.
its going to be funny.

so i didn't go to school and i'm totally pigging out at holland village.
so?
i'm getting fat.
too fat for my own good.

even after redbull, i still feel like i can sleep for ten hours in a row.
thats exactly how sleepy i am.
i guess i'll be going home, take a nap.
have dinner.
go home and watch coffee prince because it so exciting.
and go to sleep.
repeat the same process again the next day.
its like shampoo you know?
lather, rinse, repeat.
i'm fighting off my urge to hold you tight.

so the first day of school was off to a bad start because i was fighting with a certain someone.
but it got better.
with girlfriends wanting to strip me off and look at my tattoo.
but i didnt get raped.
so its alright.

and then i saw him.

this blogskin is nice.
simple and i like.

so lets talk about something that most of my girlfriends seem to like.
VAMPIRES.
cause i just read a vampire book.
although i know that they really dont exist.
and they're some made up story that is used to scare people off.
but i really wished that they were real.
i like Anita Blake's vampires.
where you can get an orgasm just from a bite.
it'll be perfect for women who has never has an orgasm and a vampire who hasn't fed
its like a win win situation right?
the vampire can feed and the lady gets her orgasm without having sex.
but she might end up dead though.
but lets hope the vampire is hot too.
no point if he looks like some chicken little.
nobody would want an orgasm from him.
LOL.
kidding eh.

now my tattoo hurts.

so presentation was shit because i has no idea what i was presenting.
but i had to be so unlucky on my first try.
i dont like the croc.

fancy me, sticking something she likes with chicken little.
aren't i creative.

SHERILYN!
are you cold?

i miss him.

i want to watch the stars and scream at them. because they lifted me up. and set me up for the greatest fall.

i tried to make the first move. and somehow, i'm too sick to carry on again. i never wanted to lose the friendship. but you pushed me away. now when you have no one to be there for you, i'm trying to be there. like how it was like when we were friends. but you push me away yet again. three words. go.to.hell.

there are a couple of people i miss.
like, alot.

since alot of people have been asking me how my tattoo looks like.
here's a treat.
rather than ripping my shirt off.

its not as big and red as it looks eh.
its much nicer now though.
its a close up.
DUH.

maybe i'll regret you.

i'm tired and sleepy.
school's killing me and its only the first day of school.
its alright, four more days of school and i'll be done soon.

the emotional turmoil is killing me.
and not really softly either.

but i'm not going down without a fight.

did i mention that i hate tug of wars?
i just hate it.

everyone is just high on the first day of class.

i bet it wouldn't be that hard to guess what i was doing when the new year came in.
yes people, i was working.
standing at the cashier for hours in the row.
almost losing my voice.
and my phone spoiled.

MY NEW PHONE FUCKING SPOILED.

so the new year came in. i woke up crying because i finally realised that my boss is really gone and he wont be coming back anymore. it just makes me miss him like shit. he was a really understanding boss. honestly. i don't think i'd be able to fine one like him where he's seen me cry and laugh and basically. seen me at my best and worst. and he was someone so willing to push me to do even better.
how many of you get to have bosses like that?
i guess the 1st wasn't the best. because waking up crying and crying at work isn't the best way to celebrate the new year. i guess i'm off to find another job. sell my backside or something.
but according to ben, its selling the front side.

the 2nd day of the new year seems to be a better one.

my tattoo is itchy and its starting to peel.

and i'm starting to miss some people.

but i have somethings to say first.

to CS, HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU TOO! i hope that you're patient enough to wait for what you're waiting for.
to Sherilyn, love isn't something to fear. give it everything you got and you'll realise that there's magic in the world. and it came from you.
Kaira, hopefully, one day you'll realise. everything happens for a reason.
Imah, i'm sure everything will get better and better.
Shanie, hope you'll get hoody soon!
Shakthee, she's still looking for her prince charming. which i'm sure will appear soon la.
all my other friends, may all the goals you set for the future be achieved.

what i want for the new year?
same as last year i guess. although i dont remember what i typed last year.
i want to live life.
to love and hate with all i have so that i experience everything raw.
now i feel like eating jap food.

my tattoo is itchy. did i mention?

and i want to be friends with you again.
even if there's some part of me that i can't let go.
but its something that i dont want to lose.
which was this thing that we shared that was only for us.
i hate this.

i thought i had the strength.
but in the end.
all i did was breakdown.